Intuitive Eating: The Backstory

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I figure I should start with the backstory of what brought me to this book.  I picked up this book last week on my way home from work after stalking Paige's blog, facebook, and instagram for suggestions on learning how to eat... I have been in a bit of a funk lately.  I feel like I have been on some type of diet for the past 2 years or so when I know I don't need to be.  At the time I did have some weight to lose and wasn't happy with my body.  I wasn't healthy.  I ate a lot of junk food and randomly did some kind of "work out" every once in a while.  That's when I found Tone It Up and running.  I lost the weight  and I enjoyed it all at the time.  But it sort of started a vicious cycle for me that I haven't quite learned how to recover from.  

But I honestly don't know how to eat.  This is a big thing for me to admit b/c I feel like amongst my friends and co-workers and family I am the go-to person for advice on healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle.  See, on the outside it may look like I have my shit together. I really don't. I mean, who does?!

My weight has fluctuated so much (according to the scale) for the past couple of years.  The crazy thing is that 1 year ago today I actually weighed 10 lbs more than right now but I wear the same size.  Its because I started lifting weights in November. So I know its MOSTLY muscle gain and some fat.  I let that scale # dictate my feelings about myself.  I know better. I don't know why I let it bother me.  Then it causes me to think I need to diet.  When in all reality I don't need to diet. I need to learn how to eat.- how to eat to fuel my body and maintain my weight.  I have no clue how to do that.

A few weeks ago this would be a typical day/ week for me:
Monday-Friday I would meal plan and bring my food to work every day.  Never eating out with co-workers or deviating from the plan.  I would eat at 7, 10, 12, 2, 5, and 7... Every day... Those exact times.  Regardless of whether I was hungry or starving I would eat at those times.  Because someone told me this is the way to eat.  Then if something unusual happened- like someone brought donuts- I would have 1, then another, then another... (True Story- this happened a few weeks ago).  I think its because I would tell myself "You can't have the donut. It is bad for you.  It is processed.  You are going to Mexico in a month."  But then after about 2 hours of telling myself that I would give in.  Then after having one I would get the f*ck it mentality b/c I already screwed up. So I would eat until I felt sick.
The weekends were a different story.  Because I was "good" all week I would splurge on the weekends.  Except I would splurge at every single meal.  We will eat out every meal Friday afternoon- Sunday night.  Add in some drinking with friends and I screwed up everything I did during the week.  So because I felt so bad about myself Sunday night I would vow to do better Monday and the cycle would start again.  I am positive I am not alone in this.

I had a realization a couple of weeks ago.  I honestly don't even remember  how it came about.  Maybe I looked at a picture of myself or something.  But at that moment I said to myself, "You look great. WTF is wrong with you?  You don't need to diet.  You need to learn how to eat."  So that is what I am on a quest to do... Learn how to properly eat and accept/love my body.

I went through and unfollowed a ton of people on Instagram.  I had to stop looking at everyone's pics of their abs in the morning.  I don't want to be a bikini competitor therefore I don't need to look to those people for inspiration or advice.  Its not practical.

Tone It Up was great in helping me initially lose the weight.  But now I need to learn how I can eat for the rest of my life.  Something that is easily sustainable.  Something that will make life easier and bring me joy and not stress.

So that is where I am right now.  Learning to listen to my body.  Stop dieting.  Stop restricting.  Learning to love to exercise again instead of doing it for calories burned.  Learning to love myself.  Learning to love my body.  Its a struggle.  Just yesterday I found myself looking at old pictures of myself thinking I needed to go on a diet before our trip to Mexico in 4 weeks b/c the scale says I'm 10lbs heavier than last year.

Next I'm going to do a book review/ overview of some of my thoughts on the book!

Have you ever tried Intuitive Eating?  Do you diet all the time?  Are you going through something similar?

XO,
Heather